InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "You're a hotdog, but..."

Narcissa Black (purenarcissa) wrote,
@ 2008-01-24 11:33:00

Entry tags:

j: private, j: to bastan (1974), journal entries

Narcissa's Journal (XXV) - 1 December, 1001, late evening
[Private to Bastan]
Did you enjoy your birthday, darling? Or 'non-birthday' if one is technical about it.
[/Private]

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	Private to Cissa. markedbastan 2008-01-24 04:39 pm UTC (link)
	It was wonderful, Cissa, thank you. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	Re: Private to Cissa/Bastan. purenarcissa 2008-01-24 04:40 pm UTC (link)
	The thanks certainly does not go entirely to me, the others did help and it was Meda who insisted first. And, of course, I have had nothing to do with out parents arriving, albeit for the wrong child's birthday. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Private to Cissa/Bastan. markedbastan 2008-01-24 05:06 pm UTC (link)
	Well seeing Meda and Xander so excitement was a gift in and of itself. And don't be so modest, I know you had a hand in what happened. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Private to Cissa/Bastan. purenarcissa 2008-01-24 05:10 pm UTC (link)
	I am glad they are so happy, but I worry their excitement is suspicious. I... I do not know how to tell them the rest, about Draco and Lucius and our past/future, especially not their future. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Private to Cissa/Bastan. markedbastan 2008-01-24 05:13 pm UTC (link)
	Suspicious to your mother and father? Nor do I. Would YOU want to know...I mean, if you were a portrait in the future, would you really want to know that now? Because I keep asking myself that question to figure out what if anything I should tell father, and I keep coming up with nothing. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: Private to Cissa/Bastan.

purenarcissa
2008-01-24 05:17 pm UTC (link)

To them and to your father. Every time Meda practically melted in delight tonight when Papa spoke to her, I saw your father watching her. Do you think he suspects?

Younger Maman was accepting of it, but that is how Maman is. However, I think she did not ask Meda when, as I myself did not, but if our fathers discover they are protraits, they will want to know when and how they died and I do not want to know that. I would not want to know about my own demise and I do not want to know theirs.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Private to Cissa/Bastan. markedbastan 2008-01-24 05:23 pm UTC (link)
	I am almost of the opposite mind. One moment I want to know everything in an effort to change it and the next I am worried about making even bigger changes. I heard Meda and Father talking about portraits once and her response was obviously strained. I think he noticed. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: Private to Cissa/Bastan.

purenarcissa
2008-01-24 05:30 pm UTC (link)

Is everything you have learned thus far not enough? ~~Even that much has given me nightmares.~~

Oh dear. He has spent quite a bit of time with younger Maman since his arrival, I wonder if he has asked her what she knows.

No good can come of any of this and I still do not know how to explain any of our futures, yet someone is bound to tell them about the alternate versions of others and children who belong to different fathers who they have not even met here.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Private to Cissa/Bastan. markedbastan 2008-01-24 09:03 pm UTC (link)
	I know...this is such a mess, a huge disaster. And Meda...I worry for her. I know how much she loves having living breathing relatives here, but she can't hide who she is. At least, not for long. I love our Meda, she's strong and brave and frustratingly independent. I don't want her to change but I worry that she might feel that she has no alternative. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: Private to Cissa/Bastan.

purenarcissa
2008-01-24 10:21 pm UTC (link)

I do not think Meda could change the essence of herself even if she wished to do so, darling. It is one of the things I adore about her, that gift to simply be herself.

This is only truly a concern if we think our parents will scorn her for being a Gryffindor. Papa is not like Aunt Walburga, but I can imagine at the outset he will not be especially... ecstatic. Younger Maman accepted her, the Rosiers never placed as much significance on Houses, after all. Perhaps we should tell Maman and let her decide what to tell our fathers?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Private to Cissa/Bastan. markedbastan 2008-01-24 10:33 pm UTC (link)
	Do you think that Meda would ever agree to telling your mother? I wish I could say that my father would understand without question, but I fear that his reaction may be a bit..uneasy. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Private to Cissa/Bastan. purenarcissa 2008-01-24 11:57 pm UTC (link)
	Meda does not necessarily have to agree. We are her parents, after all, and part of being a parent is acting in our child's best interest. I suspect that as well, given Xander's behaviour with him any time he might feel Meda is being put on the spot. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Private to Cissa/Bastan. markedbastan 2008-01-25 12:00 am UTC (link)
	I worry about them. They are so excited about this notion of family that I fear any sort of obstacle might be devastating. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Private to Cissa/Bastan. purenarcissa 2008-01-25 12:39 am UTC (link)
	I worry too, but I would not deprive them of this for all the good reasons in the world. I know how Meda felt in not being able to tell certain people who she was before and I would not see Xander go through that. I suppose we should take comfort in the fact they did know our parents as well as anyone could... splotch (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Private to Cissa/Bastan. markedbastan 2008-01-25 12:50 am UTC (link)
	I know...but I don't like the idea of the children being mad at us, even if it is our duty as their parents and if I know that they will likely be happier for it in the long run. This parenthood thing is not a lot of fun at times. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Private to Cissa/Bastan. purenarcissa 2008-01-27 10:52 am UTC (link)
	And you think I do like the idea? I assure you, Rabastan, that is not the case at all. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Private to Cissa/Bastan. markedbastan 2008-01-27 11:01 am UTC (link)
	I know that you don't. Doesn't it worry you though, that while we are their parents we aren't their parents yet and that the children could choose to take advantage of that? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Private to Cissa/Bastan. purenarcissa 2008-01-27 11:08 am UTC (link)
	They have in the past, Rabastan, albeit mostly Meda in minor, sometimes unintended ways. What specifically concerns you? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Private to Cissa/Bastan. markedbastan 2008-01-27 11:13 am UTC (link)
	Well with your mother here, and here in younger form..what if THEY show up--Meda and Xander's true parents, and they resent us or distance themselves from us. I know we have little choice about this, we have to do what's best for them, but I must admit, I've grown accustomed to having them in my life, and I would miss them were they not here or speaking to me. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Private to Cissa/Bastan. purenarcissa 2008-01-27 11:15 am UTC (link)
	I highly doubt they will resent or distance themselves from us! Perhaps what you are concerned about is losing standing with them, to give up your position of authority to another? It is a position that is by rights theirs but one that we have also begun to earn. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Private to Cissa/Bastan. markedbastan 2008-01-27 11:18 am UTC (link)
	I think you have a point. Perhaps we have grown spoiled having them here and calling us by parental names that we won't truly earn for some time. Do you not think it would be odd though, to see yourself decades from now, and to see the understandable excitement that Meda and Xander have to see them? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: Private to Cissa/Bastan.

purenarcissa
2008-01-27 11:34 am UTC (link)

Yes. If another me at any age were to appear here, it would be more than simply odd ~~especially were she without the you of her time~~. I am uncertain how Maman managed to deal so admirably with younger Maman being here, nor am I entirely certain how younger Maman seems... not unaffected, but entirely disenchanted with the presence of Papa, knowing who was her husband long before his arrival.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Private to Cissa/Bastan. markedbastan 2008-01-27 12:09 pm UTC (link)
	If the older version of me came here, I think I might hide. Meda's pretty damned secretive about the future, and what little she does say is pretty concerning. Your Maman (Mamans?) are handling things admirably, though I wonder if they're just hiding their true reaction because there was such a scene already. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Private to Cissa/Bastan. purenarcissa 2008-01-27 02:53 pm UTC (link)
	Hide? Honestly, Rabastan. I should think after the fiasco of explaining why so many years had passed before her and Xander's births, Meda and Xander, as she no doubt told him of it, both are hesitant to reveal something else of dangerous caliber. (Reply to this) (Parent)